Communication with your ex not going well? Ask for a truce

If co-parenting communication with your ex up to this point has been full of negative rants, blame, demands, anger, sarcasm or belittling (need I go on?), it’s sometimes very hard to move forward positively. The best thing you could do is ask for a communication truce. 

Here are a few suggestions to message your ex depending on the current state of communication. We've used Tom and Nicole in our examples: 

If communication is really negative

Hi Tom,
I am asking for a communication truce.

We need to find a way to share details about the kids without getting personal and without negative emotion or blame – for their sake.

We don’t have to personally respect each other, we just have to respect that we are both parents to (kids names) and we have been given the responsibility to raise them in the most supportive and positive way possible. We have (add no.) years ahead of us until they’re out of college or married, so we may as well find the best way to communicate moving forward.

I’m asking if we could leave our past relationship out of communications and just focus on the kids.
I’m asking if we could agree to not tell each other how to parent.
I’m asking if we could agree to pass on need-to-know details about the kids with enough lead time.
I’m asking if we could agree to acknowledge receipt of messages received within half a day.
I’m asking if we could respond to requests within 1 day, even if it is to ask for more time to review.
If there is anything you would like to add to this truce, I’d love to hear your suggestions.

I look forward to your reply.

Regards,
Nicole

If communication is strained

Hi Nicole,
I’m asking for a communication truce.

We need to find a way to share details about the kids in a respectful way, without getting personal. We have (add no.) years ahead of us until they’re out of college or married, so we may as well find the best way to communicate moving forward.

I’m asking if we could leave our past relationship out of communications and just focus on the kids.
I’m asking if we could agree to not tell each other how to parent.
I’m asking if we could agree to pass on need-to-know details about the kids with enough lead time.
I’m asking if we could agree to acknowledge receipt of messages received within half a day.
I’m asking if we could respond to requests within 1 day, even if it is to ask for more time to review.
If there is anything you would like to add to this truce, I’d love to hear your suggestions.

I look forward to your reply.

Regards,
Tom

If they don't respond to you, ask a close friend to you both to help call the truce.

Let us know how you go.

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