We've all done it, started yelling at the kids because we tripped over their toys in the middle of the room. But aside from those instances, how quick are we to blame others for every problem in our life?
Separation is the Olympic-sized life event when it comes to blame as it's cast back and forth at record speed, but it started years before in our relationship.
Brene Brown puts it so perfectly in this short inspirational thinker
She hits the nail on the head, 'Blame is a discharging of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship to accountability'.
Accountability is part of being vulnerable and vulnerability is the place we all run from because it hurts, it's scary, and it means we have to look at ourselves and see our shortcomings. As Brene Brown so eloquently points out, without vulnerability, we can't fully live, love, parent or lead. Her book Daring Greatly, is on the must-read list for people dealing with separation as we can only move on if we become accountable.
I read this book over one weekend when I didn't have the kids (and nothing else got done ... I mean nothing) and every page was like my autobiography. I felt empowered by Sunday night, even when the washing pile was still three feet high, the kitchen looked like I was in a shared college dorm, and my cat was looking at me with distain as I sat there in my pyjamas. But hey, I didn't care!
The power vulnerability has to transform your life will blow you away, but take all the time you need to get there. Find a friend to read the book as well so you can discuss and keep each other accountable to being more vulnerable.
Why not buy one for your ex as well! If they don't read it that's fine, but after you continue to calmly use the tools Brene provides when situations heat up, it won't be long before they'll be wondering what the heck's in that book to make you a more empathetic, blameless person.
That's the kind of win you want!