Why is marriage the most important contract we ever enter into but the least we actively work on to succeed? We spend more money on improving our skills for work and more time on keeping ourselves fit and healthy than we do in the relationship we are supposed to value the most. Yes I have created Divvito to help with shared parenting after a separation, BUT I would prefer you didn't become a lifetime member!
Here is the final step to take before you separate or divorce – take a moment and don’t do it just yet! Are you contributing positively to your marriage or are you the reason it’s failing? Let’s look at the basics to a good marriage by relating it to work since you're there most of the day:
1. You can't stand your coworker who:
• always hands off their work to you so they can surf the internet
• always wants to do things their way
• doesn’t contribute to the team report as they say they’re too busy.
Are you that coworker in your relationship and are wondering why it's not working out?
2. You can't stand when your boss or manager doesn't listen to your suggestions, doesn't give any praise for the work you've contributed, doesn't even say thank you for busting an all-nighter to hit a deadline. Is this how your partner thinks of you?
3. Have you ever had to performance manage someone at work? Yet when they are asked to improve they believe it wasn't their fault at all and blames everybody else for poor communication or lack of direction. Upon asking several times for them to improve and showing no change, they're asked to leave and are completely shocked. Then you see their true side. Anger, spite, malicious behavior and you wonder where that awesome person you saw in the first place went. Sounds familiar to a breakup you've been through?
4. You have a star performer at work but you've been pretty slack in offering your time and praise because other staff needed more attention. You walk in one day and they say they've been offered a better gig and give you one week's notice with no interest in negotiating. You are shocked and pissed off! Do you have the right to be? Again, this is exactly what happens when you stop paying attention to your partner (and too much on your kids) and someone else starts to. You think you had no involvement in them having an affair but if things were that good at home, why would they leave?
5. If there were unions for husbands and wives, would your relationships be in better shape?
So before you throw in the towel on your relationship, pretend you're doing a workplace self-assessment to see how poorly you're performing and maybe step up your game before asking your partner to. If you are the star performer, hopefully they are reading this post and they step up to the plate! In any case, good luck and here is to a long, successful marriage!