I was married for ten years before separating in March of 2016. We’d both been unhappy for a very long time but stayed together for our two beautiful kids who are now ten and five. We always portrayed being happy when socialising with friends, but when we got home we'd go back to doing our own thing … and the extended silences. We also argued a lot, many times unintentionally in front of the kids. It would always end in me crying and taking the blame. I knew this was not the kind of relationship I wanted nor wanted our kids to grow up thinking this was ok.
I built up enough courage one afternoon to tell him how unhappy and empty I felt and was hoping we would be able to understand each other's needs and work on our marriage. It fell on deaf ears. When I decided to call the marriage off, I did not know exactly where to from there but I knew I did not want to be in a miserable marriage anymore.
He did not take it well as the following months were filled with torment and pain. We slept in separate rooms and I started living a separate life, even the responsibility of caring for the kids was alternated weekly. I understood he felt hurt yet living under the same roof was unbearable.
He was convinced I was having an affair and questioned everything I did. Communication deteriorated and the kids and I were being affected. I was anxious and scared as he was incessantly sending abusive texts and emails while I was at work. I lost sleep and constantly questioned if leaving the marriage was the right thing to do.
I was in such a dark place from lack of sleep, fear of the unknown, and his relentless abusive messages that one night in late 2017 I considered taking my own life. I thought maybe my kids would better off without me because the abuse would stop. Fortunately a friend saw me in the street the next day and looking terrible, she asked, ‘ Are you ok?’. She knew I had separated and I told her I wasn’t sleeping. She told me to call my doctor immediately and get help, which I did. I am so thankful I saw her as not sure what I would have done if I hadn’t.
The next week I packed up my belongings, looked for an apartment to rent and told my husband that I was moving out. I could no longer live under the same roof as it was not helping me nor the children. He threaten me if I didn't stay but I still walked out the door.
There was no physical violence but the abusive texts and emails continued. The kids could see the stress I was going through whenever I got these messages. He said he was angry and deserved the emails and messages. I was distraught yet didn’t want to tell anyone. I had wanted to put a DVO application in many times but worried what my work would do if they knew and worried how he would react and if it would make things worse. He was a great father to our children and I did not want to ruin that. Deep inside I knew he is a good man and was just not coping with this change.
It was at that time that I heard about Divvito Messenger. While I didn’t want to talk or text him, I had to communicate about the kids. Because the app helped connect us and suggested how to message him in a way that encouraged communication between us as parents, he quite surprisingly agreed. We stopped arguing or using vulgarities towards each other immediately because Dani flagged inappropriate messages. Over time, our language changed. Our messages are now straight to the point, respectful and the intention clear. It’s helped us be nicer, which has helped when we see each other too.
The kids are happier as they see us getting along. We check in on them every day and have worked with each other to make sure they are happy and healthy and the main priority in our lives.
Divvito Messenger has made the difference. It encouraged the importance of good communication between us as parents for the best interests of our children. It reminded us, amidst hard times, that the kids need not suffer because of our adult issues. I must also say that this has further encouraged a change in our mindsets about the failure of our marriage. Acceptance to move on and be happy.
Thank you Divvito!